Thoughts

I sometimes think a lot. Sometimes too much.

But I think it is a good thing to get things out of my head.

I know I am not perfect. I am happy to say that I am not. I don't want to be. I have my mistakes. I make them everyday.

First off, I have been up and down about my job situation. I have a tendency to get in a depression mode when things like this happen. I am familiar with this stage. But I do eventually get out of it. For example today, I was very productive, where as in yesterday I didn't have any energy to move. I think it was good for me to get out of my apartment today. I needed the fresh air, and it gives me a new out look. I have to be thankful to such close friends and family for their support and help. I know I am blessed by God.

Also about getting everything ready for a wedding. I have most of the stuff, but still consumed with craziness. I am glad to have met the guy that I will one day call my husband. Husband, wow, that is still very interesting off of the tip of my tongue. I think this is the happiest that I have been in my whole life. He gives me hugs when I need them, he supports me for anything that I seem to want to do, gives me flowers for no reason, gives the best foot massages ever, loves me despite my faults. Sometimes I look down at my finger with a ring that was given to me by a man that I love. I ponder about it sometimes. I have this guy who wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Who has given me a gift of a whole new life. A whole new journey that I can add to another chapter of my life. But sometimes I am still amazed. I look at myself, and say, really me? I do have self esteem issues, this is no surprise. He tells me I am beautiful all the time, and I know I will have to hear it for the rest of my life, because apart of me will never believe it. I told him that I will get grey hair and develop wrinkles, and his response is, Awesome! He loves me no matter what, and at that I am astounded. I think God helped give a push to put him in my life. And for that I am thankful. A huge part of it also goes to Charlie and Crystal for also giving us that push to meet, and from there it became what it is now.

Friends are also a huge part of my life. I love you all. You don't know what it means for me to have all you guys as friends. I never really had too many friends or none at all when I was growing up. I got a few friends in high school. Just to name a few are my best friend Shannah, Crystal, Cynthia, and Roxy....and so on. Through college I gained a lot more. Far to many to name on here, but you know who you are. Also my church friends and connection group. I love meeting new people everywhere I go. I have had the biggest support from you guys.

Then there is my family. Gosh, I know we have been through some hard times with each other, and of course we don't always get along. We don't have the same ideals, but that is what's so great. We are not a like. I have different thoughts and opinions about life and how I want to live. And that is okay with me. The most important thing is to except each others differences.

Again, I say I am not perfect. I sin everyday. But I know that God, as long as I look to him for my path in life, will and has forgiven me. I say stupid things and I do stupid things. Everyone does. I also have a tendency to judge, which I should not, because only God can and has the right to judge. Again, I am working on it. Most of the time I do feel that I am judged myself on everything I do. I hope to be a better person someday following in what God wants me to do. I, as you would call, am a work in progress. Right now I wish to give a big apology to whom I have done wrong by, because you know I didn't really mean it. Sometimes I just need to be told hey Liz, you are being a jerk. And I will be like okay.

But that is what has been on my mind lately . Thanks for hearing my rambles.

Love Liz